As an educator of parents that I cannot tell you how many times I heard "I tried, but didn't work for me". Since the beginning of my career, sat in judgment; thinking that parents were to blame not enough be consistent or not correctly manage "parenting technique". As I started to have my own children, I learned very quickly that not all the experts advice parents was "appropriate" for me or my children. How could it be? Although much of it is based on Sonida psychological theory and principles, there are too many variables when it comes to raising children. Parenting strategies can not take dynamic account specific family, father and son unique and temperaments personalities. Fluctuations in the State of mood or stressful family strangers are not addressed. In summary, these strategies of parenting in its concrete form are not sufficient to deal with the individual needs of parents and their individual children.
When my boys were young people who had to do to get my son I heard was count to three. In the parenting workshops to often story a story when he had friends sobre for dinner, and while eating at the table of my son was doing something I wanted to leave, so I started counting. Once I arrived at the number two stopped doing what was what was annoying me and become the nice boy wanted to my guests to view. One of my guests dinner the question: "what happens when you get three?" Replied: I "absolutely have no idea!" And I do not. I never had to go. When you use the same strategy with my second born, he me race verbally to the count of three and then are there with her hands on her hips, I react daring. Usually followed a threat to the wait time, but did it more harm than good.Their need to be in close proximity to me was threatened by the prospect of being sent to sit on the escalera.Lanzaría in a tantrum that completely dismissed the original misconduct since we have now had to deal with an emotional tirade that seemed to last forever.
The difference between my two boys is that my eldest has always been quite conscience regarding its own behavior. He could recognize when he was not performing properly, and a simple reminder would play on your own interior barometer of what was acceptable, and what was not. He doesn't listen to me because I asked which; It would fail in their own agreement because intuitively knew that it was the right thing. My second son is highly sensitive.Just the thought of me sending him "away" for a time-out affect feelings kernel. his anger and damage it would cause him to challenge my love and attachment to him for daring to me precisely what he feared more: "send him away". The threat was more psychologically disturbing that the Act of actually having to sit in the waiting time.
A strategy of parenting, executed in the same way in two different children: two results very different. what we can do when we parents advice fails? Better still, what we can do to take expert advice parents and make it work for us and our individual children?
Here are some parenting tips parenting tips:
-Trial against his intestino.Si parenting advice doesn't look right, or could not image you staying the course, do not use that particular strategy. Shop for the parenting advice as you would be clothes. It must be a good fit. in other words, if you think that they could not survive a teenager that is connected to land two weeks moping about of the House, after grounding is something that probably does not work for you. You may be tempted to give and his son would get the message that you are an impetuous.
-Knowledge of their children.Listen to them, observe their reactions. Learn about their personalities; which makes fear, which makes them feel safe, what works in helping them to change their behavior, causing more behaviour problems.Then respond to them according to what you know about them. The parenting strategy must also fit with the personality of the child. my child who fears rejection personal insult timeouts. Did it more harm than good. Waiting times were not a good fit for him.
-Find a philosophy that takes you and your partner to the same página.Cuando parenting parents are at opposite ends of the spectrum of discipline, children learn quickly that can play against each other. And not to mention, consistency goes right out the window.
-Don't be afraid to modify the parenting strategies to meet the needs of individual children. My second child would timeout if sat with him on the ladder to help you through their tears.It is a sufficient deterrent to make him stop misbehaving and have it to think he could do different next vez.En this case, his Deputy for me was not threatened. Voila, temper tantrum avoided.
-Ignore well meant neighbours, friends and family.Other people do not live their situation or know its shape that make for their children.So the next time someone says "it is not formed yet toilet!" or "allows an appetizer that you have before dinner!"Remember that you are the father and are doing what is best for you and your child.Perhaps your child isn't ready to be toilet trained still and forcing the issue would do more harm than good.Perhaps your child doesn't like cooked vegetables, so I offered him a brownie with spinach pre-dinner ensures you are getting the nutrients you need.
-Let a time limit.The time that it takes a child change his behavior varies depending on the individual response.If a strategy of textbook says that "her child to sleep through the night in three nights or less" be prepare your child can take up to seven nights or diez.Decidir to implement any strategy of how much you're willing to "expect" to see the results.Eight nights allow my son crying himself to sleep was too heart WRENCHING for mí.I relented and then felt like a failure for the formation of my son to bed independently.
Parenting strategies are great when they work, but not us parents who feel as did us something mal.después everything, the experts could not be wrong! you can? go confidently brave padres.Confiar that you know what is right for you and your hijos.Utilizar what works for your family and the other by virtue of the "G" archivos.Madre (father) and really know better!
Dyan Eybergen has more than 10 years working as a child and adolescent psychiatric nurse and author of the recently published book of rearing of hydrants padres.Es educator of Babes: prospects for a child mining their Web site at http://www.childperspectiveparenting.com
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